How To Build a Universe That Doesn't Fall Apart, Part 5: All of the Lights
Like a swelling synthesizer, turning up the dials on the Moog until the square waves oscillate and take shape into...something.
Apologies for the late post — I got smacked with an unexpected stomach bug (thanks daycare!) Luckily, this is a shorter one, so we’ll get right to it after the obligatory
Previously on…
Jason Tavares is finance bro looking for love … but his obsession with chemtrails and 9/11 conspiracy theories keep getting in the way. When those obsessions threaten a major investment deal at his company, he agrees to attend an addiction support group for conspiracy theorists. It’s there he meets a paranoid mom named Monica Lund who believes she’s a Targeted Individual for PsyOps, and then gets into an argument with Felix Buckley, a racist cop who believes in Lizard People. Jason storms of the meeting in a huff — but he’s followed by someone from the group, Kyle Contee, who corners him in a bar to talk about the Berenstein Bears and Mandela Effect.
And now, it’s time to meet Adam Oh, the RetroFuture Anime Bowie Boy.
Background Interview #1: Adam Oh (Transcript)
Name?
On Adam Oh. I just go by Adam though.
Occupation?
Rock star.
...
Fine, songwriter.
What is your job though? Like your actual source of income? For the paperwork.
Oh, right. I'm a barista. But I'm studying to be an HVAC Technician. Well, I was, before the --
I'll just put you down for "Barista," okay?
...
...
Yeah. Okay.
Great. And have you ever been formally diagnosed with or sought treatment for a mental disorder?
Uhh, no?
Have you ever been formally diagnosed with or sought treatment for brain damage?
Oh. Yes.
Are you now or have you ever been prescribed to use a psychiatric or psychoactive medication?
A what?
Like Ritalin. Or Xanax.
Oh. Yeah. My doctor gave me Ritalin when I was a kid.
And when did you stop taking it?
I don't know, when I was like...sixteen, maybe?
Okay. And have you ever used psychiatric medication recreationally? What kind, and how often?
I've done adderall a few times. Painkillers, does that count?
What kind of painkillers?
[Note: subject shrugged]
What about other recreational drugs? What kind, and how often?
Yeah.
What kind, and how often?
I don't know, the usual stuff. Weed, hash. I've done coke a few times when it's offered, but not like a habit. Booze. Um.
Any methamphetamines?
Not that I remember.
Have you ever taken LSD or any other psychedelic or hallucinogenic drug such as ayahuasca?
Do 'shrooms count?
Sure.
I've done 'shrooms, yeah. What does this have to do with --
Have you ever overdosed from substance use? Have you ever sought treatment for addiction to chemical substances such as alcohol or drugs?
No. Why are you asking me this stuff?
It's part of the screening process.
I thought this was about the Lights.
"The Lights?" Is that what you're calling them now?
...
...
I don't know. I guess.
And when did you first see the Lights?
Couple years ago.
Were you on any substances, legal or illegal, the first time you saw them?
I think so. Probably.
Did you ever see these lights when you were sober?
[Note: subject nodded]
When did you first begin to develop a theory about the Lights?
What do you mean, "theory?"
How long after you first saw them did you start to rationalize it, or come up with an explanation?
I think it was the second or third time I saw them. The first time, it's just weird, you know? But three times, it's a pattern. Then it starts to mean something.
What was the pattern? Can you explain what you saw each time, generally speaking?
Well, they were Lights. Always starting in the sky. Even in the daytime, they were always these bright, brilliant, saturated colors. But not any color I remember, like something way outside the rainbow. Like phosphenes almost, when you stare into a light or rub your eyes too tight and those flashes of color surround your sightline like a portal. Except these Lights didn't fade. They got stronger and...warmer. Like you could feel them, hear them even. Like a swelling synthesizer, turning up the dials on the Moog until the square waves oscillate and take shape into...something. Something transcendent that starts as this artificial signal but transforms into a life of its own. But not like any kind of organic life we've known. And then you realize there's a melody inside those little blips, that the Lights are singing you a song in the only way that they know how and you...you hear it with your eyes, I guess, if that makes any sense.
And what did the Lights say?
That's the million dollar question, ain't it?
Well what do you think they were trying to say?
I think they were trying to communicate. What else would any alien lifeform be doing here? They want to find out if there's any intelligent life on this rock. Same way we do when we talk to a dog and hope it understands.
Are humans the dog, then, Mr. Oh?
I think that's an insult to dogs on a grand cosmic scale.
I see. And when did you first start to think that these Lights -- or at least, that your perception of these lights -- that your relationship with them might be causing problems that would need to be addressed?
[Note: subject paused and appeared to be actively engaged in cognitive processes; unclear if related to traumatic brain injury] After the hospital. After the accident. When the band stopped talking to me. Or the ones who were left, anyway.
Tell me about the accident.
I sent the newscast link in the application --
I'd like to hear how you tell the story yourself.
Okay, well. We were on our way to a gig --
Who was?
My band. Electric Ant. Are you gonna let me tell the story?
I'm sorry. Please continue.
So we had some trouble with the engine on the tour van -- it was this antique clunker of a passenger van, very retro, since we were kinda riffing on that new-wave post-glam vibe anyway. It was the kinda thing you see in those old movies where the youth group from the church goes camping or whatever before the monster attacks. Trevor, my guitarist, he just thought it fit with our style, I guess. So we built in these compartments for the amps and the drums and synths -- and everything had its place, and everything fit. We even built some lofted cots above the storage.
I guess I should clarify, we, um, we hadn't actually gone on tour yet. But we were about to. We had big plans to hit the road, sleep in the van, and drive a thousand miles to play a show for twenty people, sleep on some stranger's floor, it was gonna be great.
That's...great?
Can I finish?
Right. Sorry. Go on.
Okay. So we booked this show at the Regal Theatre, opening up for the Howling Fantods -- they had that song that was like, "Can't stop watching / I can't stop watching the tape / No I can't look away," that was pretty big a few years back? So we thought, ya know, this is gonna be our break. This is where it changes, this is where Electric Ant begins our reign.
And then we had some engine trouble. I was driving at the time, and I thought we could make it. I didn't want us to be late, to miss our chance to play the show, so I pressed the gas down --
I'm sorry, this was a manual van? Without an onboard driver?
I told you. It was part of our whole retro vibe. Very DIY, you know?
Not really, but go on.
[Note: subject paused briefly here] So I hit the pedal. To the metal, as they used to stay, though I never really understood that turn of phrase. The van was purring underneath us, and Trevor warned me, he said, "Slow down, you're gonna blow the transmission," but...then I saw the Lights.
Did the rest of the band know about the lights?
I'd talked about it before. It seeped into our songs -- into my songs, anyway, Trevor had his own motifs but -- yeah, they had a vague idea. Mostly they ignored it, like it was just some metaphor that went over their heads. But then, the Lights were there. Just, all the sudden, bam! Lights, like phosphenes, surrounding us.
Were there any other cars on the road?
[Note: subject shook his head] We were on 287. It was dark. Until it wasn't.
The lights.
Yeah. The Lights. They took over the engine. The radio, the brakes, the whole thing. And yes, believe it or not, you can still get FM radio out there, if you have an antennae. People still broadcast on analog and everything. Hobbyists, mostly. And some government channels. There really is something special about the crackle of that straight tape sound. Same reason I avoid all those digital synths, but, um.
But yeah. The Lights...the Lights took over. And I gave myself over to them. I let go, and let them carry us across the threshold, to the show, to some transcendent sonic stardom. The Lights grew brighter, and the synesthesia swelled with the buzzing in our eyes, drowning out the burning smells from the engine block until.
Until...what?
Until we collided with another car that came from nowhere. Until we spiraled across and over the divide, until we flipped on our head and slid straight into a tree. Until we never even made it to the show. I hit my head, and had to get some new prosthetics, but I still came out better than the rest of them. They all blamed me for it, before any of their casts had even settled.
Did you blame yourself?
I blamed the Lights. I still do.
So you still believe the Lights are real?
Of course I do. I have to. Otherwise I'm crazy and it's all my fault.
I am speechless.....in a good way....